Life is full of wild stories, but some excuses are so outrageous they deserve their own spotlight. Take, for example, this hilarious tale of a man, a vending machine, and a suspiciously muddy pair of shoes. Spoiler alert: It’s not what you think… or maybe it is.
It all started with a simple errand. Our protagonist’s wife asked him to head to the store to pick up some cigarettes. A routine request, right? Well, it didn’t stay that way for long.
When the Store Is Closed, Things Get… Complicated
As luck—or misfortune—would have it, the store was closed. Most people might call it a day and head back home empty-handed. Not this guy. Determined to fulfill his wife’s request, he decided to try his luck at a nearby bar where he could use a vending machine.
Now, if this were a sensible story, he’d grab the cigarettes, head home, and call it a night. But this isn’t a sensible story—it’s a comedy of errors.
Upon entering the bar, he spotted a beautiful woman. One thing led to another, and before he knew it, he found himself at her apartment. Drinks were poured, laughs were shared, and, well… things happened.
The Midnight Realization
Hours later, our hero glanced at the clock and froze. It was 3 a.m. His heart sank as he realized that his wife—who was probably pacing the living room—wouldn’t be thrilled about his late-night adventures.
Panicked but resourceful, he came up with what he thought was a brilliant plan. He took off his shoes, went outside, and rubbed them in the grass and mud. With his alibi “prepared,” he headed home.
The Interrogation Begins
As expected, his wife was waiting for him by the door, arms crossed and eyes blazing. “Where the hell have you been?!” she demanded.
Thinking quickly, he launched into his pre-rehearsed explanation. “Well, honey, it’s like this. I went to the store to get your cigarettes, but it was closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. While I was there, I met this amazing woman, and, uh… one thing led to another.”
His wife’s eyes narrowed, scanning him from head to toe. Then her gaze fell to his muddy shoes. “You lying bastard!” she shouted. “You’ve been fishing again!”
Why This Joke Works
This punchline is comedy gold because it flips expectations. Just when you think the husband has dug himself into a hole he can’t escape, his wife’s accusation is completely unrelated to infidelity. Fishing, of all things, becomes the crime of the night.
But what makes this joke even funnier is how relatable it is. Everyone’s been caught in a situation where their excuse—no matter how creative—just doesn’t hold water. It’s a reminder that sometimes the truth, no matter how bad it sounds, is better than a poorly executed lie.
More Outrageous Excuses and Jokes to Keep You Laughing
The beauty of this story lies in its absurdity, but it’s not the only excuse-worthy tale out there. Here are a few more jokes and anecdotes about hilarious excuses that went hilariously wrong:
1. The Forgetful Husband
A husband walked into the house one day and announced, “Honey, I’ve got great news! I saved $200 today by not going golfing.”
The wife looked up, unimpressed. “How did you save $200 by not golfing?”
“Well, the greens fees are $100, and I usually spend another $100 on snacks and drinks.”
The wife folded her arms. “Then where’s the $200 you saved?”
The husband paused. “Uh… I didn’t say I had it.”
2. The Late-to-Work Excuse
A man arrived late to work, looking flustered and disheveled.
His boss frowned. “Why are you late this time?”
“You’re not going to believe this,” the man said. “A UFO landed in my backyard, and I had to convince the aliens I wasn’t worth abducting.”
The boss raised an eyebrow. “And you couldn’t come up with a better excuse?”
The man shrugged. “I thought honesty was the best policy.”
3. The Mystery of the Missing Dog
A young boy was out walking his dog when he returned home empty-handed.
“Where’s the dog?” his dad asked.
“Oh, he ran away,” the boy said.
“What do you mean, he ran away?”
“Well, I told him if he didn’t stop barking, I’d give him to Grandma. And… he took off.”
Why We Love a Good Excuse
There’s something universally funny about excuses—whether they’re poorly thought out, absurdly creative, or completely unbelievable. They’re a reminder that no matter how old we get, we’re all still just trying to get out of trouble. And sometimes, the best excuses are the ones that make no sense at all.
A Lesson for Us All
If there’s a takeaway from these stories, it’s this: Own up to your mistakes. Whether you’ve been “fishing,” missed work because of “aliens,” or just don’t want to admit you forgot something, honesty is usually the best policy. And if you must come up with an excuse, make sure it’s a good one—preferably one that doesn’t involve muddy shoes or vending machines.
In the end, life is full of wild moments, unexpected adventures, and, yes, outrageous excuses. The key is to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all and maybe, just maybe, learn a thing or two along the way.
Morgan White is the Lead Writer and Editorial Director at Bengali Media, driving the creation of impactful and engaging content across the website. As the principal author and a visionary leader, Morgan has established himself as the backbone of Bengali Media, contributing extensively to its growth and reputation.
With a degree in Mass Communication from University of Ljubljana and over 6 years of experience in journalism and digital publishing, Morgan is not just a writer but a strategist. His expertise spans news, popular culture, and lifestyle topics, delivering articles that inform, entertain, and resonate with a global audience.
Under his guidance, Bengali Media has flourished, attracting millions of readers and becoming a trusted source of authentic and original content. Morgan’s leadership ensures the team consistently produces high-quality work, maintaining the website’s commitment to excellence.
You can connect with Morgan on LinkedIn at Morgan White/LinkedIn to discover more about his career and insights into the world of digital media.