Dear Former Husband,
I received your letter, and I must say, it’s been quite the eye-opener. Yes, we’ve been together for seven years, but let’s be honest, your definition of being a good man is quite different from mine.
Your complaints about my soap-watching habits pale in comparison to your constant nagging. And while you may have noticed my haircut, your remarks about it were less than flattering.
As for the meal you claim to have cooked for me, it seems you’ve mixed up your memories with someone else’s. Pork hasn’t been on my menu for years, and those silk boxers? Well, let’s just say the price tag was a dead giveaway.
But let’s not dwell on the past. I did, in fact, win the lottery recently, and yes, I quit my job. But not for the reasons you may think. I had hoped we could use the money to embark on a new adventure together, but it seems you had other plans.
So be it. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. And as for your concerns about financial support, rest assured, my lawyer assures me your letter absolves you of any claim to my newfound fortune.
Signed,
Your Former Wife, Liberated and Prosperous
P.S. Just a little reminder: my sister, Carla, is the same wonderful person she’s always been. I trust you’ll handle that information with the grace it deserves.