The late Paul Reubens, known globally as the iconic Pee-wee Herman, had one last opportunity to share his untold story. In the posthumous documentary Pee-wee as Himself, directed by Matt Wolf, Reubens opens up about his personal struggles, his sexuality, and the toll of living behind a carefully crafted persona. Premiering at the 2025 Sundance Film Festival, the film unveils the man behind the character, offering an unflinching look at his life and career.
Reubens passed away in July 2023 at age 70 after battling cancer privately, leaving a legacy of laughter and joy. Yet, beyond the quirky charm of Pee-wee Herman was a man grappling with identity, public scrutiny, and the weight of fame. In Pee-wee as Himself, Reubens sheds light on the challenges he faced while balancing a public persona with deeply private battles.
A Hidden Personal Life
In the documentary, Reubens addresses his decision to keep his sexuality private, a choice rooted in fear of judgment and self-preservation. “I was secretive about my sexuality even to my friends [out of] self-hatred or self-preservation,” Reubens shares in one of the 40 hours of interviews recorded for the film.
This secrecy extended to his personal life, which he carefully guarded throughout his career. Reubens describes how the public conflated him with the Pee-wee Herman character, leaving little room for the real Paul Reubens to exist in the public eye.
He reflects on the challenges of navigating fame and the fear of being labeled. “More than anything, the reason I wanted to make a documentary was for people to see who I really am and how painful and dreadful it was to be labeled something I wasn’t,” Reubens said in an audio recording made a day before his death.
The Fallout of Fame
The documentary delves into one of the most turbulent moments of Reubens’ life—his 1991 arrest for indecent exposure at an adult movie theater. The incident caused a media frenzy, turning the beloved Pee-wee Herman into a controversial figure overnight.
Reubens recalls the devastating impact of the arrest on his career and personal life. “I kept who I was a secret for a very long time. That really backfired when I got arrested,” he explains. The incident shattered his anonymity, with his mugshot replacing the familiar image of Pee-wee Herman in the public consciousness.
“People had never seen a photo of me other than Pee-wee Herman. And all of a sudden, I had a Charlie Manson mugshot. I lost control of my anonymity. It was devastating,” he confesses.
The arrest marked a turning point in Reubens’ life, forcing him to retreat further into his private world. “It’s shocking what horrible, awful stuff people think about me…I was out of the closet, and then I went back in the closet,” he says, referencing the scrutiny and assumptions that followed.
Balancing Fame and Identity
Throughout his career, Reubens struggled to reconcile his personal identity with his public persona. As Pee-wee Herman, he became a beloved cultural icon, bringing joy to audiences of all ages. However, this fame often came at the expense of his personal life.
“I wasn’t pursuing the Paul Reubens career; I was pursuing the Pee-wee Herman career,” Reubens explains in the documentary. This duality allowed him to maintain a degree of privacy but also contributed to a sense of isolation.
Reubens’ decision to remain private about his sexuality and personal life stemmed from a fear of how the public might perceive him. This fear was exacerbated by the arrest, which amplified public scrutiny and led to misunderstandings about his character.
A Legacy Beyond Pee-wee Herman
Despite the challenges he faced, Reubens remained committed to his craft and his fans. The documentary Pee-wee as Himself serves as a testament to his resilience and creativity. It highlights his determination to reclaim his narrative and offer audiences a glimpse into his true self.
The film also explores the impact of Pee-wee Herman on pop culture and the enduring legacy of the character. From Pee-wee’s Playhouse to the feature films, Reubens’ creation brought joy and laughter to generations of fans. However, Pee-wee as Himself reminds viewers that behind the laughter was a man grappling with complex emotions and personal struggles.
