Children have an amazing way of reminding us about the things that truly matter. They look at the world through a lens of innocence, free from the judgments and biases that adults often impose on themselves and others. As parents, we try to guide them through life, but sometimes, it’s they who end up teaching us the most important lessons. A recent trip to Target with my daughter Sophia did just that—left me reflecting on how we, as adults, sometimes complicate the simplest things, while children can see beauty and purpose in everything.
Nick, my husband, and I made a deal with Sophia: after one full month of successfully using the potty, she would earn the right to pick out a special prize at Target. For any parent, this is a significant milestone. After weeks of potty training, encouragement, and celebration of each success, we were finally able to keep our promise. The day had arrived, and Sophia couldn’t have been more excited. She had her heart set on getting a new doll, and we couldn’t wait to see what she would choose.
A Reward for a Milestone
As we walked through the aisles of Target, I saw the excitement in Sophia’s eyes. She had worked so hard over the past month to achieve her goal. Potty training is a significant milestone in any child’s life, and we wanted her to feel rewarded for her accomplishment. Her eyes darted across the shelves filled with colorful toys, and after a few minutes of serious contemplation, she found her prize: a beautiful doll.
The doll had shiny, dark brown hair, a stethoscope around her neck, and a kind smile painted on her face. It was clear that Sophia had found a companion she adored. I knew this doll was special to her—not just because it was a reward, but because Sophia saw something in that doll that resonated with her own little world.
Sophia’s choice made perfect sense to me. She’s been talking about wanting to be a doctor for weeks now, and this doll was dressed just like a doctor. She was thrilled with her choice, and Nick and I were happy for her. It was one of those proud parent moments, watching your child confidently make a decision.
An Innocent Question, an Unexpected Reaction
As we made our way to the checkout line, the cashier greeted us with a warm smile. She looked at Sophia and then at the doll in her hands. She was a friendly woman, probably in her late 50s, with kind eyes that sparkled with curiosity. She leaned over the counter, looking at Sophia’s prize, and asked her a seemingly innocent question, “Are you going to a birthday party?”
Sophia looked up at her with wide eyes, confused by the question. I knew exactly what the cashier was thinking. She assumed that this doll was a gift for someone else. It hadn’t crossed her mind that Sophia might have chosen this doll for herself.
I stepped in to clarify, explaining that the doll was a prize for Sophia’s successful potty training. The cashier gave me a puzzled look before turning back to Sophia with another question that caught me off guard: “Are you sure this is the doll you want, honey?”
Her tone wasn’t one of malice, but the question lingered in the air in an uncomfortable way. Sophia, still too young to grasp the nuances of the situation, stared blankly at her, unsure how to respond.
Before I could intervene again, the cashier pressed further, “We have lots of other dolls that look more like you. Are you sure you don’t want to pick one of those?”
The Complexity of Simple Choices
In that moment, I felt a wave of emotions wash over me—anger, frustration, and sadness. It wasn’t lost on me what the cashier was insinuating. The doll Sophia had picked didn’t “look like her.” Sophia’s skin was fair, her hair a golden blonde, while the doll had darker skin and brown hair. The cashier, likely without even realizing it, had introduced a layer of complexity to what should have been a simple, joyous moment for a child.
My initial reaction was to step in and say something, to explain that Sophia’s choice had nothing to do with appearances or skin color. It was about more than that. But before I could speak, Sophia found her voice and responded in a way that filled me with pride.
Sophia’s Innocent Wisdom
With her usual sweetness and confidence, Sophia looked up at the cashier and said, “Yes, she does. She’s a doctor like I’m a doctor. And I’m a pretty girl, and she’s a pretty girl. See her pretty hair? And see her stethoscope?”
I was speechless. In her innocent wisdom, Sophia had completely shut down the cashier’s misguided assumption. For Sophia, it wasn’t about skin color or appearance; it was about the qualities she admired. She saw herself in the doll not because of their physical resemblance but because they shared something much deeper—a shared identity of being “pretty” and being a “doctor.”
The cashier, perhaps realizing that her line of questioning had gone too far, gave a soft, “Oh, that’s nice,” and dropped the subject.
The Lessons We Learn from Our Children
As we left the store, I couldn’t stop thinking about the exchange. It reinforced a belief I’ve held for a long time: children don’t see the world the way adults do. They don’t see the divisions we create based on things like skin color, hair texture, or ethnicity. For them, the world is full of beauty and possibility, and they see themselves in things not because of external traits, but because of shared values, interests, and dreams.
Sophia didn’t choose that doll because of the way she looked on the outside. She chose her because she represented something Sophia admired. To my daughter, the doll’s stethoscope was far more important than the color of her skin. In her mind, they were the same because they both wanted to be doctors, and they were both “pretty.”
This experience served as a reminder of how we, as adults, sometimes complicate things that are inherently simple. The cashier’s comment, while not overtly harmful, reflected a societal mindset that often places too much emphasis on appearance and not enough on the qualities that truly define us.
Breaking the Cycle of Bias
It’s easy to pass judgment without even realizing it. The cashier’s question was likely well-intentioned, but it revealed an underlying bias that so many of us carry. We live in a world where we are constantly exposed to societal standards about what is “normal” or “expected.” These standards are ingrained in us from a young age, shaping our perceptions of race, beauty, and identity.
But as parents, we have a unique opportunity to break that cycle. We can teach our children that what truly matters isn’t the color of someone’s skin or how much they physically resemble us, but the qualities that make them special—their kindness, their intelligence, their dreams.
Sophia’s response to the cashier was a beautiful example of this. She didn’t let the cashier’s comments influence her decision. In her mind, she had chosen the perfect doll, and no one could tell her otherwise. In doing so, she reminded me of the importance of fostering a sense of self-worth in our children that is based on who they are, not how they look.
A World Beyond Color
As we drove home, Sophia hugged her new doll tightly, completely unaware of the powerful lesson she had just taught me. I glanced back at her in the rearview mirror, marveling at the way children see the world. To them, skin color is no more significant than hair color or eye color. It’s simply another feature that makes people unique and beautiful in their own way.
Sophia’s innocent response confirmed what I’ve always believed: we aren’t born with the idea that color matters. Society teaches us these things as we grow older, but if we can nurture the innocence and kindness that children naturally possess, we can build a future where everyone is judged by the content of their character rather than the color of their skin.
This experience was a powerful reminder that it’s our responsibility as parents to guide our children in seeing the world through a lens of acceptance and love. By doing so, we can help create a world where diversity is celebrated, not questioned. A world where a child can choose a doll—not because she looks like them, but because she shares their dreams and aspirations.
Conclusion: Celebrating Innocence and Diversity
Our trip to Target that day was about more than a doll or a reward for potty training. It was a reminder that children are born without the biases and prejudices that so often divide us as adults. Sophia’s choice was a celebration of the innocence and wisdom that comes naturally to children—an innocence that we, as adults, should strive to protect and preserve.
In a world that often focuses too much on the things that make us different, it’s refreshing to see life through the eyes of a child. Their world is one where everyone is beautiful, where dreams are more important than appearances, and where a doll can be chosen not for how she looks, but for who she is.
